This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
