FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
