I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
