There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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