If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
