Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
