they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
