I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
