I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
