The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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