I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
