I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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