i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
