My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize