I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
