Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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