I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
