his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
