nut hugger
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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