How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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