i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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