hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
