Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
