Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
