if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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