2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
