He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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