Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
