i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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