So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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