Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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