i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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