I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
