i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
