i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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