Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
