Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
