im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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