I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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