haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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