I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
