whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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