whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
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we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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