Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
