dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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