Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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