Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
