this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
