Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just pee around me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
