to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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