i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
We need to rekindle our bromance
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
