no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
