I have demons in me.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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