I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
