i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
