I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
