I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
God, I missed his penis.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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