I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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