you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
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some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
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First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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