I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
